My main lessons from such a particular year

My 29 Lessons and Learnings of 2020

2020 was a particular year as we all know. We can choose to look at it in a fatalistic view or we can switch perspectives and try to understand and integrate what we've learned. But, of course, for those who are willing to learn…

I often reflect on where I am, where I come from, where I'm going, how I got here, why I got here, who helped me…I ask myself a lot of questions. I may not find all the answers (and I can't find most of them; anyone who thinks they're going to be able to do it, don't be fooled), but the quality of the questions is improving significantly and that's allowing me to evolve in small steps. Besides, any evolution is made by progression, not by revolution.

In the first place it's a big mess. A mess of feelings and thoughts. But like everything else in life, we improve the quality of our reflection as we practice it with intention. I know of no tool as powerful as a raw assessment of ourselves.

Fundamentally, reflecting on all of this gives me direction. And direction is so much more important than speed. After all, what's the point of going fast for a place we don’t know?! Or moving at high speed but in circles?!

I share with you in this article my greatest lessons and learnings, inviting you to do the same. This is my main intention writing this words. Please reflect and write about this year's teachings. Each one of us naturally has his own style, his own way of doing things, his speed, but the most important thing is to do it. When we write, we gain awareness in a much broader way.

Some of them were new, others not being new they where deeper. Here's a list of my top 29 lessons and learnings from 2020:

 

1. Don't tell me, show me! If you love me, don't tell me...show me. If you care about me, don't tell me...show me. If you want to take care of me, don't tell me...show me. If you miss me, don't tell me...show me. If you want to achieve something, don't tell me...show me.

2. I don't have the power to control what's outside of me, but I can control what's inside of me. I'm the one who chooses how I feel.

3. The best way to act or react in any situation is always with love and humility. Reacting in a brusque and corrosive way only increases the tension, separates us from each other. The world needs more love, but if we are constantly hitting everything and everyone around us, increases our frustration and identity gap (difference between who we really are and who we show ourselves to be). Even if we don't want someone in our life, we don't need to do it with violence.

4. I have to prepare myself so that nothing goes as planned in the beginning.

5. Accepting something is very different from resigning myself to something.

6. Too much focus (hyperfocus) takes away our peripheral vision.

7. The more I push or try to control a situation, the less I get what I want. I can only be surprised if I allow myself to be available for it.

8. The main ingredient of personal evolution is the quality of the questions we ask ourselves, not the number of answers we get.

9. Just because I'm not seeing it happening doesn't mean it's not happening.

10. I always have to work more on myself than on what I do...I am not what I do.

11. Conflict is absolutely essential to growth. Not a conflict of values and/or beliefs, but a conflict of perspectives and experiences.

12. Maintaining a learner's spirit is an continuous detachment exercise from the ego. It does not mean forgetting what I know, but always looking with curiosity at each new experience.

13. There’s nothing wrong with creating expectations, it's a natural process of life. But if we do, let’ss do it with ourselves, not to others.

14. Emotional needs are much more fundamental than basic needs.

15. If life took by her own something or someone out of my way, it's because they weren't really there and something much better is coming on the way. We get what we deserve and what we need, not what we want. (note: I don't mean losing people by your death).

16. Where we put our intention, energy and time is where we will get results. 

17. Knowing how to receive is just as important as knowing how to give.

18. About forgiveness... we can only forgive ourselves and not others. Forgiving other’s would make us superior beings. We are all equal and we all do what we think is best at every moment of our lives, based on present circumstances, past experiences and future expectations. Let us have more understanding, empathy and compassion.

19. Love will last forever. It may change, but it never fades away.

20. I often ask myself "what for?" than "why is this happening to me?". When we realize that there is a hidden lesson behind every experience, we remove the focus from external control and assume TAPR - total and absolute personal responsibility.

21. It is when we are lost that we manage to find ourselves.

22. Dreaming is a capacity that has to be nourished. To dream is to have faith.

23. Being intentional on a day-to-day basis is like an ant's work, a herculean task.

24. My focus is improving 1% every day…and 1% everyone can do it.

25. The more I mature, the more capacity I have to wait. Which is curious... when I was younger, when I had all the time in the world and my whole life ahead of me, I was in a hurry...

26. The difference is made one person at a time.

27. We overestimate events and underestimate the process. What brought us where we are now was a set of choices, not a specific event.

28. My failures and mistakes are my greatest assets. It's more about mastering the art of falling and getting back up than avoiding tripping. Besides, if I walk in fear, it makes me withdraw.

29. I don't want to have less problems, I want to improve my ability to solve them. A life without challenges is an empty life.

 

Today, I am much closer to myself than I was in the beginning of the year. My greatest ambition is to reveal myself to the maximum of my possibilities. Yes, my possibilities, not my abilities. Capabilities may be limited, but the possibilities are endless.

These were my main lessons. They are not universal truths. If you relate to some of them, I hope it helps you.

Looking from the inside out, 2020 was my best year ever! Today I am much more João and much less someone else.

With Love, respect and dedication.

João